Searching in the Dark

I read a report last Thursday that NASA's Voyager 1 probe finally left our solar system, “boldly going where no machine has gone before.” I was in my early 20’s when Voyager rocketed away from Earth. It seems strange that this tiny probe, no bigger than a small car, is now cruising 11 1/2 billion miles away in interstellar space. And just in case it encounters intelligent life out there, the report said that it is carrying a gold-plated, 1970s-era phonograph record with multicultural greetings from Earth, photos and songs, including Chuck Berry's "Johnny B. Goode," along with Beethoven, Bach, Mozart and Louis Armstrong.

At this very moment, Voyager 1 is drifting in a part of the universe where it is a minute speck, and that speck has thousands of years to go before reaching the nearest star, Alpha Centauri.

As a mathematician, I see the infinite in the heavens, the void becomes the space between the stars, and I realize that the universe is a place where, if not for God, it would be easy to get lost.

We all have dark spaces, and the degree to which we can get lost is infinite. A young person in a boarding school like SAS might seem comfortable in his or her skin. It might seem to the casual observer as though we had everything that speaks of connection to purpose, a sense of belonging to something vital.

But you and I know that there are dark spaces in every life. In every life there is suffering.

Yesterday I attended my first wedding of a gay couple. This very in-love couple had waited until they were almost 50 years old to get married. I was reminded that 35 years ago, a gay person would have been an outcast in most schools or even churches, a laughing stock, a deviant for others to make fun of or mock or bully.

I am very proud to write this piece today and say, with conviction, that my church school is not only a school that accepts gay students, but is a school where gay students are accepted, welcomed, and appreciated.

The prophet Jeremiah, speaking for the Creator, says, “my people are foolish, they do not know me… I looked on the earth, and lo, it was waste and void; and to the heavens, and they had no light. I looked on the mountains, and lo, they were quaking. I looked, and lo, there was no one at all, and all the birds of the air had fled. I looked, and lo, the fruitful land was a desert, and all its cities were laid in ruins.”

This passage is a reminder that God is no stranger to infinite spaces. Whether they are the outer spaces of the universe or the inner spaces we create for ourselves on earth, there is darkness and, at times, disappointments. The dark cities of my youth were Hiroshima and Hanoi, Selma, Dallas, L.A. and Memphis. You have them too: Bagdad, Tripoli, Cairo, Damascus, even Washington D.C. New York city was certainly a dark place on September 11, 2001.

  

But God is no stranger to darkness. It is written that out of the void God created stars and planets, light and life. And, from this, humankind.

Our universe is immense. It is inevitable that we will sometimes feel lost in it. If you would only look into the sky on a clear night, you will see the infinite, and, I hope, feel its immense mystery. 

St. Paul was lost in a void of some kind. He was a cruel and ruthless man, a man who chased fame and power, a man who felt it was his purpose and duty to lord his narrow views over others and to punish others for being different. This bullying attitude served him well for a while, but he began to feel himself slipping. More and more he found himself needing to bully and persecute others. Power and greed, persecution and bullying, never satisfies, and people who engage in such practices seem to need more and more opportunities to satisfy their hunger for inflicting pain.

I imagine a bully as a lost soul desperately trying to stuff an emotional black hole with anything that will soothe his own suffering. But he finds nothing to satisfy his need. Maybe that is why, after he had done his best bullying in Jerusalem, Paul asked for permission to go to Damascus. It is said that he was going to persecute followers of Jesus there as he had in Jerusalem. God was no stranger to the void that Paul was lost in. And God is no stranger to the pain and suffering that any one of us experiences. God found Paul, stopped him in his tracks, spoke to his deeper self, turned him around so that he could live a more purposeful, joyful, and significant life.

That is the message of the gospel. Gospel is a word that means good news. The good news is that God is like a shepherd who searches the void to find every lost sheep, not just most of them, but every one. In thinking about Voyager 1 I was reminded that God is no stranger to infinity, and no matter where you are, if you are lost and willing to be found, God is there. All you have to do is say, “Here I am, God. Please find me, for I am looking to change my life, to find, and to be found by,  my higher purpose.”

Jesus taught that God is like a shepherd searching for a lost sheep. God is a woman who searches for a lost coin. Insignificant as these lost ones might be, the shepherd and the woman look everywhere.

You and I are sometimes like lost coins or sheep—small, tarnished, worn, of little value—mere nothings in a vast universe of wealth and popularity. But God knows us. Knows our reality. Knows our deepest hopes and yearnings. And God searches for us, wants to know us and steer us back to our destiny. Lost sheep live in dumps and deserts, slums and refugee camps. Their dark places may be illness, scarcity of clean water, lack of education, or poor parenting. Visiting such places in person teaches us that God finds these lost ones. How else would there be radiant smiles on their faces, laughter, hope and joy. 

Lost sheep can also live in affluent neighborhoods and schools, and their dark places are no less important to God. The more we dwell on our misfortunes, the deeper the void and the darker the place where our spirit dwells.

Yes, the universe is vast, and we are but a tiny speck in it; but we are not an insignificant speck. Wherever we are, God is searching to find and steer us toward a good purpose. And it is our responsibility and destiny to grow and learn and spread this good news.

A wise person once said that, amidst a vast universe, we could each sow some small act, and thereby reap a meaningful and life-changing habit. Sow a habit and reap a character. Sow a character and reap a destiny. What will yours be?