Christmas Giving

On Tuesday, December 13, 2011, the National Center on Family Homelessness released its “America’s Youngest Outcasts 2010” report, documenting the number of homeless children in each state and their wellbeing. According to their report, there are 1.6 million homeless children in the United States, most of whom are under the age of seven.

What can you do?

If you are reading this, I hope, when you are finished, that you will make a small donation to Family Help, Inc. (FHI). Perhaps you will consider giving a gift of money in another person's name—a superb way to give a gift that won't collect dust, but will put food on a table or provide shelter for a child.


FHI is in its second year of service to the homeless of Middletown, Delaware. Many of you contributed money to the project last year, and several school athletic programs raised money for Christmas presents. I’m proud to report that many teams contributed again this year.

The generosity of those of us who have more of life's advantages is supporting four families with children, who live in transitional housing units on West Lake Street in Middletown, Delaware. Each family receives food and clothing as well as counseling that will, with God’s help, lead each family to more a stable and independent future. Two families have already moved on from our facility and new tenants have moved in.

The generosity of many individuals and groups has allowed FHI to meet an important need in our community, but, in order for us to continue this noble work, I am asking you consider making a tax-deductible donation to help FHI continue its mission. Your donation will be used to maintain four apartments, provide basic needs for four families, and continue programs to help them create a better financial foundation for themselves and their families.

In these challenging economic times, FHI needs your support. Together, we can make a difference in the lives of homeless families in Middletown.

Checks should be sent to Family Help Inc. If you would like to get involved in other ways, tour the property, or ask questions about the program, please contact Board President Harvey Zendt at 302-528-5685.

Finally, please pass this plea on to others who are in a position to support FHI's effort to help those in need. On behalf of the FHI Board, I thank you in advance for your support.

Faithfully yours,
Dave

Accountability: The Key to a Good Education

When I imagine the community I live in coming together as one body of students, teachers, staff members, family members, parents and friends, I imagine us centering around the school motto: Faith and Learning; and I ask myself this question: Is this a theme worth pursuing and a quest we are willing and able to make together, or are we just kidding ourselves as we allow ourselves to be drawn deeper and deeper into the widening abyss of greed and power that threatens to engulf our best selves?

When you have spent the better part of your life teaching and learning in an Episcopal school, as I have, you witness more than your share of the good side and the bad side of people. After 30 years, I have come to the conclusion that the most important thing I can teach, or ask of myself and others, is accountability.

Accountability, accountability, accountability.

I cannot think of another word that is so closely associated with schools than Accountability.

At the heart of the lessons read in our chapel today, from Zephaniah to Matthew, is accountability.

“I will search Jerusalem with lamps, and I will punish the people who rest complacently on their dregs, those who say in their hearts, "The LORD will not do good, nor will he do harm. Their wealth shall be plundered, and their houses laid waste.”

This is a stern warning to all of us that there will be a reckoning one day, because our God is a God who searches our hearts, and knows what motivates us.

In today’s lessons we are warned that complacency is an attitude that disappoints God.

That is why Jesus focuses attention on the one person who has the least. Jesus wants us to understand that God mourns when any one of us becomes paralyzed by fear so that we choose complacency over right action.

Fear changes us. Pride blinds us. Anxiety cripples us. Lack of faith makes us hesitate.

Fear makes us do the things we know are wrong. Pride blinds us so that we do not see that what we are doing is wrong. Anxiety directs us to act in ways that are contrary to our faith and reason. Lack of faith turns our heads away from the salvation that would liberate us, and points us toward the greed and power that would enslave us.

Thus, we must hold ourselves, and each other, accountable for every thought we have and every action we do. When we see something that is wrong, we must be proactive, and we must do something about it.

It is not enough to note a wrong in our minds, or pass along the information to another. We must follow through, persevere to the end, finish the job.

The headmaster of the school where I serve wrote an important piece on the recent situation facing Penn State University. In it, he proclaimed that human beings have a sacred trust to honor and protect each other, and that we have a responsibility to confront others when they violate that trust. We are responsible forever.

In contrast to this responsibility, one born when the school established its mission of faith and learning, students are being raised in a secular culture that teaches just the opposite. We are counseled to lay low, make no waves, bury the truth. We are counseled to misrepresent ourselves on job applications, cheat a little here and there on tests, hold back information about ourselves, in order to present a favorable portfolio.

The worst thing is that some of advice is given to us by people who are supposed to be role models— parents, mentors and team leaders.

Some of these folks, in turn, have gotten by on the clever tactics they have learned along the way: reporting abuse to the next higher level, passing the buck, doing just enough to stay afloat.

And so I ask, where is the moral base? If we do not see one, then isn't it our sacred responsibility establish one?

The man who hid his talent was doing just enough to stay afloat. As far as I know, there were no radar devices back then, but if he were here today, we would say that he was flying under the radar. Too bad for him because God’s radar is better than ours. God saw through his clever ploy.

A small dodge of responsibility, like the one he made, if you made it today, might get you a reprimand. A big dodge, however, will cost you your career. Just ask Joe Paterno. Mr. Paterno was a teacher and a coach for over 40 years at one university. Some say that he was Penn State University. With a record 409 wins as coach of a first-rate college football team, and in his fifth decade as a career college professional, there can be no doubt that Coach Paterno knew the importance of accountability, and I am sure that he held hundreds if not thousands of others accountable to him and to themselves for their actions and deeds during his five decades of service.

But one thing brought this legendary coach down, tarnishing his reputation: He failed to hold himself accountable for something he knew was wrong. He passed the buck. He did not follow what his faith should have told him was right. The suffering of the victims, we must assume, was somehow not worth his energy.

As students and teachers at a top school, we are the folks with the 5 and 10 talents. Therefore, a lot is expected of us. We have to be trusted even more than those who have less. If we have five talents, then we are accountable for all five talents. If we have ten talents, then we are accountable for all ten—not nine, or eight, but all ten! If we have only one talent, or as some have confessed to me personally, “Mr. D, there is nothing I am best at or even good at.” I say this: We are accountable for what we do have, and to the full measure, all the way.

Accountability is what it says it is, an accounting. When you hold a person accountable, it makes sense to both of you, and when the reckoning occurs, neither side goes away mad. We just shake hands and go away justified. If you call me out for a mis-deed, I must fix it. If I call you out because you did not do your job to the best of your ability, you should correct the flaw and do it right from then on. Holding ourselves and others accountable is a good thing and it breeds respect.

As students and teachers at a fine school, we are called to more accountability than others, and we should be proud of that higher standard. We know more, have more, and continue to acquire more every day. The world is counting on us.

What do you think? Can you be counted on to be an example for others, to live the kind of life that makes this world better? Then do it, for God’s sake! Speak out. Address issues with faith and learning and always with truth, justice, love and faithfulness.

May God bless us in fulfilling this sacred mission.

Family Help, Inc. Needs You

December 11, 2011


Dear Friends,

I am writing on behalf of homeless families everywhere, but especially those being helped by Family Help, Inc. (FHI).  

FHI is in its second year of service to the homeless of Middletown, Delaware. Many of you contributed money to the project last year, and it was through your generosity that four families with children received food, clothing and a roof over their heads last winter. With continued care and counseling, each family is learning to build toward a more stable and independent future. Two families have already moved on from our facility and new tenants have moved in.

The generosity of many individuals and groups has allowed FHI to meet an important need in our community, but, in order for us to continue this noble work, I am asking you consider making a tax-deductible donation to help FHI continue its mission. Your donation will be used to maintain four apartments, provide basic needs for four families, and continue programs to help them create a better financial foundation for themselves and their families.

In these challenging economic times, FHI needs your support. Together, we can make a difference in the lives of homeless families in Middletown. 

Checks should be sent to Family Help Inc. If you would like to get involved in other ways, tour the property, or ask questions about the program, please contact Board President Harvey Zendt at 302-528-5685, or just come and ask me.

Finally, please pass this plea on to others who are in a position to support FHI's effort to help those in need. On behalf of the FHI Board, I thank you in advance for your support. 

Faithfully yours,

Dave DeSalvo

The Rev. David P. DeSalvo, Chaplain, St. Andrew's School, 350 Noxontown Road, Middletown, DE 19709, (302) 285-4309

Double Standards

Today I looked at my list of new math students and saw a familiar face. Later that face was erased. I do not know why, but I suspect that the young person's parents asked for a change.

Schools are weakening. Parents are part of the weakening process. In the case above, there are two children in a family of educators. The older is the wonder child, brilliant, magical—a gift. The second child is finding his way and wonders if will ever measure up in the eyes of his parents.

Of course. He already has. A parent's love is unconditional, but does he know this?

Parents want the best for their children, but what they do not realize is the constant, unconscious set of  messages they send: our number two child is different, unsure, less self sufficient. To make up for their anxiety at having to work harder to convince a second, third or fourth child that he or she is valued, parents go out on a limb to pull strings, sometimes hoping that the younger child knows about this. They want to be seen as parents who are "fair" and parents who "really care."

But the truth of the matter is that children know that the best thing would be for parents to stay out of the way and to let children weather the realities that life creates.

When it comes to secondary and higher education, it is not about the parents but about the children. If a struggle presents itself, then celebrate, rather than weaken the situation, which, in the long run, weakens the child.

But, and I say this with trembling knees, maybe parents intend this all along. After all, the firstborn has traditionally been a special child, and parents seem to do what they feel is dignified and noble to ensure that the world is aware that this first offspring really is a gift.

God help us!

Amy Tan TED Talk

http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_tan_on_creativity.html

trick of 9's is not a trick

Suppose for positive integers a, b, c, d, … , we have a + b + c + d + … = 9k for some positive integer k.

For a multi-digit number, say four digits, we can write the number as

1000a + 100b + 10c + d, which can also be written

999a + a + 99b + b + 9c + c + d.

Clearly 999a + 99b + 9c is divisible by 9,

and

a + b + c + d was given to be divisible by 9, so

since all of the individual summands is divisible by 9, then the sum must be divisible by 9.

This same logic can be used on any multiple digit number whose individual digits add to a multiple of 9.

EXAMPLE:

1278

1 + 2 + 7 + 8 = 18 = 9(2).

1278 = 1(1000) + 2(100) + 7(10) + 8

= 1(999) + 1 + 2(99) + 2 + 7(9) + 7 + 8

= 9(111) + 9(22) + 9(7) + 9(2)

= 9(142). 

Satisfied Taxpayer

Last Friday I made my bi-weekly run to the local solid waste center in the town of Wolfeboro, New Hampshire. A light rain was falling that morning, and many other people had chosen that cloudy day to do the same thing. As I had little pressing business that morning, I took my time sorting out my stuff: burnable trash, glass, cardboard, mixed paper, newspaper, tin cans, aluminum cans, plastics, two used automobile oil filters, and a broken VCR/DVD player.

After a few minutes, I asked one of the five employees that run the operation where to put the broken VCR/DVD player. He asked to see it, and concluded that, because it was mostly plastic and not metal, it should go in a certain bin. He was courteous and helpful about this, and his professionalism made me pay attention to the questions other people were asking that morning: Where do I put this used propane tank? Is there a place for used batteries? Can I get rid of my bald truck tires here? I'm not sure what to do with these fluorescent bulbs? Do you accept old roof shingles?

Each question was answered with a courteous and helpful set of directions from an operator or attendant, workers employed by the town, with salaries supported by taxpayers like you and me.

As I drove away in my cleaner smelling, less cluttered station wagon, I thought, "What a nice surprise. My tax dollars support an operation where 5000 tons of material are recycled annually by courteous employees who get the job done in an efficient, cost-effective manner."

I wonder why all government employees, in particular, members of the United States House of Representatives and U.S. Senate, cannot do the same thing? "The name of the game," an old friend used to say, "is Get the job done. Do it right. Be kind and respectful of your fellow workers. Be a team player."

I look forward to a return of civility in our government, a time when more energy will be focused on getting a good job done rather than blocking the pathway toward progress. We all should live up to the same standard: Finish what we pledged to do. Do it right. Respect fellow workers. Strive for team goals.

Funny what you can learn by going to the Solid Waste Center.

You Should Have Said Something

 “That sounds like something you should’ve said.” Canadian singer Terri Clark sings these lyrics in a song by the same name.

I was thinking about her message as a week long series of planning meetings came to an end at my school this week. One of the major topics discussed was the use and misuse of language by high school students. During a morning session on this topic, one participant suggested that sometimes good ideas come into our minds after the formal discussion is over, so there needs to be a way to include those good ideas in the mix. It gives participants a chance to say what they should have said but didn't.

Social media vehicles like twitter, blogger, Facebook and others are a great way to share ideas, but the question is: why wait? Is there something changing in our social culture that encourages us to hold back from talking with one another face to face, then grumbling later, “I wanted to say (or I should have said), such and such.”

The irony at my meeting was that even though we had talked about the importance of teaching young people to be courteous with language and to be courageous enough to confront wrong actions when they see or hear about them, when such an action occurred in our own meeting, nobody (including me) said anything.

Why (I wondered afterwords) didn’t I say something? Was it that I did not think that the statement was wrong at the time? Did I think that such a statement might have gone unnoticed by everyone else so I was afraid to be the lone critic? Why didn’t anyone step up to defend the person who was spoken to in an insensitive way?

After our meeting was over, one colleague took me aside and said privately, “Where does [person’s name] get off making that outrageous comment?” Moments later, another colleague said, “I wanted to smack that guy!” Awhile later the offended person said, “I would never let anybody talk a colleague of mine that way.”

Ouch!

Perhaps social media is changing the ways we interact with one another so that those of us who have been taught to risk courageous actions are learning a safer, gentler skill: run and hide now; attack from the anonymity of the cyber jungle later.

Perhaps I was afraid of being the lone challenger that day, or I was too concerned about avoiding an awkward, face-to-face argument, or, even more alarmingly, I have lost my ability to support and be supported by others in the heat of the battle.

This lack of immediate response to wrong actions is evident in the recent reports from former employees of Rupert Murdoch’s "News of the World" troubles. Some claim now that they knew about the “serious wrongdoing that occurred,” but were intimidated by the power of their bosses, and did not want to risk losing their jobs or their opportunities for advancement, so they kept quiet. Now that the story has been exposed, it seems these same folks have a lot to say.

How ironic. Yes, I admit, you have got me on that score.

Changes in the ways we interact socially, communicate professionally, problem solve and collaborate as leaders, are not always for the better. I know that if someone in a faculty meeting were to say to me or a colleague, “Your opinion is limited because you are an aging, Italian, ignoramus,” I would fight back. I would expect to have the support of at least one other colleague, because that kind of language is just plain wrong.

But the fact is that hurtful things are said all the time in meetings, at family gatherings, in school dorms and locker rooms, and no one speaks up. Why? Maybe it is because we are unsure whether the measure of the language used meets the “that’s offensive” limit on the abusive language meter.

Try these real quotes on for size:

Teacher: “Does anyone else have a stupid question to ask?”
Student: “Wow, that's an encouraging thought."

Athlete: “Get tough, you wimp.”
Teammate: “F*@k; off, you silly moron.”

Faculty Member: “The kids today are a bunch of spoiled, lazy brats.”
Administrator: “Don’t waste my time with broad, sweeping statements like that.”

Student: “A drama queen like you always exaggerates the truth.”
Actor: “Oh my God. Did you hear that? I am crushed. I’m quitting this dumb play!”

Radio Producer: “those [women basketball players] are some hardcore hos.”
Radio Host: “… nappy-headed hos.”
(CBS cancels the radio show.)

Neighbor 1: "The new neighbor is so cute. I wonder if he has one of those 'little man' attitudes?"
Neighbor 2: "You mean, is he going to be pushy?"

First Teenage Boy: “Don’t be a wuss.”
Second Teen Boy: “What do you mean?”
First Teen Boy: “Jeez, are you, gay?”
Second Teen Boy: “No, no, no. No way.”

Single Parent: “Anyone who is [GLTB] is not a true Christian.”
Pastor: “If that is what it means to be a Christian, then I am not a Christian.”

I guess what I am trying to say here is that people need to know that when they speak up for what they think is right, it is enough. In fact, speaking up for what we think is right empowers others to speak up for their own values. Whether peers or colleagues will support us does not matter. If we think a wrong is being done, then the response should be immediate and appropriate. Even if we know that we are going to re-evaluate the situation later, it is better to question the action immediately because it lets people know that we have been paying attention and that what is said, and the way it is said, does matter.

Raising Money For The Right Mission

Today I heard that President Obama and the DNC have earned over 86 million dollars during the last three months, a record-breaking number. I cannot help asking the question: How is it possible that in this troubled economy one person's mission can attract such astonishing contributions?

I ask the question because I serve in a small, private boarding school where people work very hard to raise funds that will support an awesome mission. Hear what our headmaster tells the student body is its mission:

 “The answer to the question of how to prepare for college or how to prepare for life is actually relatively easy to explain—to prepare for college and life, commit to doing good work, work that makes your community, nation, and world a better place. Fight for justice, freedom and peace; learn to listen and to honor those with whom you disagree; protect children; honor and learn from diversity; save the earth; refuse to live trivial, confined, self-obsessed high school and collegiate lives.” After four years at St. Andrew’s, he will remind them, “Seniors, you will do what you have to do—good work; you will honor St. Andrew’s by moving out into the world and spreading this culture of good work wherever you go.”

So I have ask, what more worthy mission is there in this country than the one stated so eloquently above? If people want to fund something worthy and if they are looking to spend their money on a proverbial garden that bears real fruit, then they need to look at our country's high schools.

Schools like mine exist to serve a noble purpose and are willing to go the distance to make a difference. Just this week, twenty key administrators gathered for a week to explore how to adjust an already dynamic and vibrant curriculum and adapt it to better understand our emerging global on campus community and to prepare graduates for their entrance into an evolving global world.

Do you want to contribute to something inspirational and life changing? Then why not consider your local high school, your child's or grandchild's independent school, or any school that articulates and commits itself to a mission you believe in?

Thank you, in advance, for your interest and commitment to education. To see how one school lives out its mission, please visit: standrews-de.org

N.C. Wyeth and Pentecost

Pentecost is a word that means “the fiftieth day.”

In Acts 2, Luke writes about a strange event that occurred in an upper room and how the Holy Spirit touched a group of ordinary men.

At the school where I teach there is a mural in our dining hall that was painted by N. C. Wyeth. It also depicts a group of men .

Both capture an event frozen in time, but always in motion; we cannot read or see these events without wondering what happened next.

The canvas shows men standing in a room looking up at the sky. Some eyes are focused on documents (maybe drawings) on the table, but anticipation is in the air. A new thing is happening, and, as a result, life will never be the same.

I have looked at the Wyeth mural almost every day for the past 24 years, but the image that began to take shape for me this week was of Jesus’ disciples in that upper room. The only thing missing is fire flaming from the heads of Mr. duPont, Dr. Pell, Bishop Cook and the others.

What the painting captures best is the anticipation of things to come: young people making a better world through faith and learning. Something had to have inspired those men and Wyeth captured it. In fact he even said that his intention in painting the mural was that it might invite students to look at it, to wonder and be interested in what transpired in that room—a vision frozen in time.

The word “inspire” means to breathe in, to arouse by divine influence.

To be inspired is to be filled with emotion.

To inspire is to be that teacher or coach who stimulates others to act, motivates players to push harder than they thought possible, moves an actor beyond the script, as Stanislavsky said, into the very world of the character he or she plays.

To inspire is what a musician or poet does by writing and composing. At my small boarding school, I think back on the inspiring sermons of Walden Pell and Simon Mein, the classes taught by Chris Boyle and Will Speers, pre-race and game speeches by Dave Washburn and Bob Colburn.

In the early days of St. Andrew’s School in Delaware where I teach, students were pushed to work hard and taught to accept criticism with dignity and patience. “Only God gets 100,” said former student Ed Strong when quoting a classroom teacher; “Jesus Christ gets a 99, and the best the rest of us can do is 98.” To this day at St. Andrew's, the inspirational teacher does not reward mediocre effort with false praise or inflated grades.

Besides, how can one assign a grade for inspiration? It is something a person must breathe in on his or her own. St. Andrew’s teachers long dead, and those brand new, have looked at the mural and made a commitment: to have us breather deeply of a Pentecostal event. Moreover, they ask us to inhale deeply, and then act boldly.

Wyeth’s mural does not give us all the details about what occurred in the room that day, nor does Luke tell us everything we wish to know about what went on in that upper room. What we do have is Luke’s account of Jesus’ disciples gathered for prayer, and also to select a person to replace Judas. A rather large group of devout folks were milling about Jerusalem. All heard the sound of a violent wind, and then experienced something amazing.

Headmaster Tad Roach has a saying that he is fond of sharing with each incoming class of St. Andrew’s students: “The answer to the question of how to prepare for college or how to prepare for life is actually relatively easy to explain—to prepare for college and life, commit to doing good work, work that makes your community, nation, and world a better place. Fight for justice, freedom and peace; learn to listen and to honor those with whom you disagree; protect children; honor and learn from diversity; save the earth; refuse to live trivial, confined, self-obsessed high school and collegiate lives.” After four years at St. Andrew’s, he will remind them, “Seniors, you will do what you have to do—good work; you will honor St. Andrew’s by moving out into the world and spreading this culture of good work wherever you go.”

This message, I believe, is the Pentecostal miracle in action.  Empowered by the Holy Spirit, inspired by the wind that came through that upper room, Jesus’ disciples went into the streets of Jerusalem and proclaimed the gospel to people from every nation under heaven. The miracle was about making connections in a world that was becoming more global, fanning tongues of fire into flames of fellowship, and putting faith into action.

Isn't this a worthy mission for a modern school with a global focus?

I do have one problem with the Wyeth mural. Almost everyone in it is calm. Two figures are caught up in a dream; several men are focused on plans and tactics. Dr. Pell appears relaxed and comfortable overseeing the meeting. To the far right, however, one man is leaning over the shoulder of another man, and he looks, to me anyway, to be a little worried.

Thank you Mr. Wyeth.

If you have read this far and you are interested in experiencing the Holy Spirit in your life, then I need to tell you something before you continue. The Holy Spirit is not a guest one invites to a social event. Living according to the Holy Spirit is neither comfortable nor easy. Simply put, it is challenging to live by the Spirit, for we do not know where its winds will take us, or what dangers will threaten us. What we do know is that generations of ordinary men and women did embrace the vision of the disciples. They risked breathing deeply of that same Spirit.

Would that we all might have the courage and conviction to breathe love for humanity into a world that feeds on greed, power and selfishness. Jesus would have us be that love. He is our inspiration.

What's The Fuss?

Passover and Holy Week are ancient, mysterious and sacred traditions.

You may be asking yourself, what is going on? What is all the fuss about?

Good question.

The answer is not easy to explain. The best I can do is teach from my experiences as a chaplain and teacher in an Episcopal school.

If you listen to the New Testament stories read during Lent, you hear a lot of complaining about how the Jews killed Jesus, the Jews did this, and the Jews did that. The Jews don’t know Christ. Isn’t it sad about all the non-believers in this world, etc., etc., etc.

I remember thinking these things when I was a student. But I decided a long time ago that it just wasn’t that important to me to point fingers at each other. We do that enough in our every day affairs without bringing it into the Church. And so I concluded that when the Gospels say that the Jews did this, and the Jews did that, and that the Jews were the ones who killed Jesus, what it should mean, in the here and now, is that it was Jesus’ own people—those who loved him, supported him, cheered him into Jerusalem as their king—those same people condemned him to death just a few days later. Remember that Jesus was a Jew.

What a schizophrenic community he lived in. Are we really any different? Don't we turn on our friends and colleagues from time to time when what we want matters more to us than their feelings? Don't we, from time to time, accuse our school administrators, civic and church leaders, and even our parents when things don't the way we want them to? How quick we are to blame our misfortunes on others.

Jesus preached and taught his own people, and his own people did not receive him. His own friends abandoned him. He took the fall. He was obedient even unto death.

And we cannot blame them entirely. Jesus had a part in it. They swept him into the city with hosannas and shouts of victory.  They called him “Messiah” and “Savior!” They fantasized that he was going to overthrow the Roman occupation. They wanted a king.

And he was amazed and anxious. He looked them in the eye and said, “Wait a minute. Is that what you think this is about? Kingship? Power? Overthrow? I’m sorry. Social change does not happen by force. It is not something we can legislate. It has to come from the people’s hearts.”

Deep in our hearts, we know this. All schools have rules, handbooks, policies. But even the schools with the thickest handbooks have problems. It is not the Student Handbook that makes a school a clean school, or a drug-free school, or a school that does not tolerate bullying, prejudice or hate. Rather, it is the culture. It is the student body's commitment to something deeper.

And so Jesus came into the city, asking what in the world are you looking for? What is it you are willing to sacrifice in order to make it happen? And the people were so full of their own shouts for kingship and overthrow, that they did not hear him. They could not follow him because they could not process his message, feel the power of his commitment, or believe in his weapons of choice: empathy, peace, compassion and love.

They missed it. And so the triumph turned to disappointment, and the disappointment became blame, and the blame became scapegoating, which ultimately turned into loathing and condemnation.

It is easy to say, it wasn’t me; I didn’t do anything; but the truth is that we are all responsible for the Passion and Death of Jesus and the example he left us: a ministry of kindness, compassion, service, truth, generosity, reconciliation and love.

Jesus suffered for others—for us. He died for others—for us. He came into the city in glory, and by week’s end he was nailed to a cross.

But that is not the end of the story.

The late Urban T. Holmes, theologian and seminary dean, asked which is better: When someone is grief-stricken over the death of a loved one, to offer them a tranquilizer for instant relief, or to spend whatever time is necessary supporting them as they deepen their consciousness of their ambiguous feelings and concerns? In this impatient world, we often choose the first way because it gets results. But in a school like the one where I live, students are reminded that there is more to transformation than being pain free. A tranquilizer does not last.

Episcopal schools are not afraid of tradition. In a world where most schools have swept religious traditions and rituals aside, Episcopal schools offer something counter-cultural. Each spring, Episcopal schools plumb the depths of the collective moral consciousness and test the spiritual strength of the community. We do this because we believe it is important to enter into the mysterious community of deep memory that each of us might deepen our understanding of who we are and what we are meant to be.

Go to hell!

“Go to hell!” We think of this as a curse and an insult, yet this is just what Jesus would have us do. Hell is where there are no advantages. Better yet, hell is where the few who have advantages, pay no attention to the many who have none.

An outcast woman comes to a well at noon, The more respectable women come to the well in the early morning. Smiling, they gossip about their neighbors and brag about their husbands while washing clothes and filling their water jugs. This woman can’t go at that time. She would be in danger. She was, by law, “unclean” and therefore unaccepted. “Hey stupid, this is private well for clean people. Get your water somewhere else!” Others like her have stopped coming. Perhaps they have come to believe that they really are lesser persons. This is their living hell.

Jesus would have us go to hell—to a place like this well at noon, when only the outcast who still has a little pluck is likely to show up. He is amazed to find this woman there—a person who challenges him with her questions and impresses him by her spirit.

A number of things strike me about her.

First is her boldness and courage. All people need a way forward. We all need to have choices. The more choices we have, the less fear we have. The woman was fearless because she still had choices. Trapped = afraid, but with options, there is always new hope. She was not born in the right social network. She did not have much luck with husbands. Does that mean she is doomed? If you are not born with Varsity level talent, does that mean you can’t play? In a world where the bullies make the rules, the answer is yes. But I have never met a successful leader who says, “I love to put people down so that I can be up. I am proud of being a bully.”

Second, she came with a purpose—to get water. Water is important for survival. Lord knows that these past few weeks have shown us the importance of clean water and the dangers of contaminated water. But the quality of water is the important thing about this story. Jesus adds pressure to the theme when he says, “Whoever drinks this water will never thirst.” This water is the water that fills a person with meaning and purpose. Every person deserves to know that they are created for a purpose: the right to discover things, to enjoy friends, and to be included.

Third, she had a sense of belonging to something larger than herself. This woman clearly sees herself as an outcast. She comes at midday because she would be unaccepted by her peers who come in the morning. She is like the girl who dresses in the locker room only after the Varsity girls have left. “We’re varsity. You are not. Get lost.” When they have gone, and all is quiet, she walks in. Someone is sitting there. Who is it? None other than the head coach. Something about the coach’s eyes and smile are inviting. On any other day, the young player would have fled, but today for some reason she enters the locker room. The coach beckons her to sit, and begins to talk to her, starts telling her things that the coach has noticed, little things like how hard she tries, how naturally she moves, how great her ball handling, how intently she reads the defense. She had no idea the coach even knew her name. In one instant, her self-image has changed. She is a player.

She was open to the idea of forgiveness. It is easier to find fault than to forgive. Any TV quarterback, couch critic, disgruntled player or coach will tell you ten things that would have one the game after the loss. How we love our witch-hunts. The people loved Moses when he led them out of Pharaoh’s oppressive place, but as soon as the game got tough, they were afraid, and out of fear they were quick to complain. Some of us like to wallow in our misery. Jesus looks this woman in the eyes and says, “Love yourself. To do this, you must live according to your spirit and to the truth.” Jesus knows the truth: God loves the world and everything in it equally. Jesus knows the Spirit. He is the Spirit.

Finally, she was an optimist. We do not have the rest of the woman’s story, but I have a sense that she went away feeling much better about herself because she believed in herself. Who among us would choose to live a gloomy, second-class life if we didn’t have to? Moreover, it would be a waste of God’s Spirit in us if we did not choose to be filled with life-giving water. If you are full of that water, i.e. full of love, then there is no room for arrogance, bitterness or fear.

So go to hell today, but remember to bring life-giving water. Be yourself as God intends you to be—fearless and optimistic, full of purpose and forgiveness, blessed as one who belongs in this world and seeks to bring others in.

Where did Jesus go after he was crucified? Living through hell and disgrace on Good Friday, he died and went to Hell. He went there to set us free from eternal damnation, despair, confusion pain and defeat. We have that same choice every day: To avoid others trapped in their living hell, or to offer them life-giving water—a kind word, a friendly word, a compassionate ear.

Go to hell today. Bring life-giving water. Visit often.

Family Help, Inc.

Hello Again.

Just want you to know that Family Help, Inc has had its first graduates. A family has moved from our transitional housing facility into its own dwelling. Mom has a job. She and her children are starting again. With God's help, they will make it on their own.

Family Help, Inc. offers transitional housing for families in crisis—families with little kids, but no homes, no jobs, and, in some cases, not enough education or skill to navigate a way forward.

It is working, but we need help. Your money, your ideas, your prayers—all are welcome. Thank you, in advance for what you give.

During the season of Lent, people often ask, "What can I give up—candy? soda? coffee?" Why not try another option? Ask: "What can I take on as a Lenten discipline?" One answer is to pray every day for people less fortunate than you; then act upon your prayer by donating something: money, time, whatever you have. It all matters.

These are hard times, especially for homeless parents with small children. Together, we can provide hope for struggling families and point them in a positive direction—towards productive employment and a secure home for their children.

Your money and prayers will make a difference to us at Family Help, Inc. We are located at P.O. Box 302, Middletown, DE 19709.

For more information, you may call Harvey Zendt (302-376-6339), or Dave DeSalvo (302-824-6272).

Peace and Blessings during the Lenten Season.

Dave D.

What Are You Looking For?

I am trying to answer Jesus’ question: “What are you looking for?”

Last summer, I visited Robben Island just off the shore of Cape Town, South Africa. During the tour of the facility, a former prisoner gave a talk. As he was closing his remarks and heading out the door, a visitor asked how he felt about the election of Barak Obama as president of the United States, and how Mr. Obama’s election effected the situation of non-whites all over the globe.

Up until this point, the man’s remarks had been non-political, facts and stories about the life of a prisoner at Robben Island during the Apartheid regime. Certainly his life and the life of his comrades was harsh, unfair and dehumanizing. His tone, however, was cordial and even positive. It seemed that he understood that the treatment he received at the hands of his captors was, in a twisted way, rational given the code that they were asked to enforce. He did not blame them even though he had cause. I could tell that he was annoyed by the question. Nevertheless, he paused, turned to face us, and then he said this: “Barak Obama lives within a framework. The foreign policies of the US do not change. He lives within that framework.”

This former prisoner is an intelligent person of faith. Forced to live in isolation for years, as he and Nelson Mandela and thousands of others were, he had come to a clear understanding of what it means to live within a framework, and he wanted us to know that each person is challenged by his or her chosen framework.

Jesus was such a person. If you look deeply into his teachings, you will see his compassion and concern for those in leadership positions. He cared deeply about the poor and the disenfranchised, but he also cared about leaders whose frameworks were narrow, self-serving, strict or closed-minded.

The framework of the Jewish leadership in Jesus’ time had grown narrow. Codes and rituals dictated what people could eat and drink, whom they could associate with or marry, who was in or who was out.

Jesus came to liberate humanity from the narrow a framework. He as much as said: the kingdom of heaven is a place that has no framework but one: love—love thyself; love thy neighbor; and love God.

If you are reading this, you know that you, also, live within a framework. I happen to be a teacher in an Episcopal school. Here when students and teachers sign our annual contracts, we are dedicating ourselves to the pursuit of justice, peace and respect for every human being and the natural world. This is the stated mission of my school, and it is a good and decent framework. But we must consider that schools are institutions where frameworks and dimensions can become narrow places where students are taught to move ahead in selfish ways, competing with each other for better SAT scores, outstanding GPA, higher social status, and longer lists of community service activities.
Many schools include an outreach component because they know that giving time and money to those who are less fortunate than ourselves creates a sense of duty and purpose that builds character. This is known as service learning. Some schools include a third component, one that acknowledges the mystery of life and encourages an infinite search for who we are and why we are here. These schools talk about being transformational, but the truth is: a place cannot be transformational. Transformation cannot be sprayed on like paint, measured with standardized tests, or rewarded by a title or diploma. Transformation comes from within. It is something that happens when we decide that we want make a difference.

If experience has taught me anything, it is that the things that save us as individuals, the things that guide us as communities of hope, the things that will ultimately make this world a world of justice, peace and respect for all, are not found in a one or two dimensional framework of policies and rules. What will save us is our vision and our willingness to acknowledge our responsibility to discover who we are.

The one sure way to find out who we are is to help another person find out who they are. External frameworks cannot do it for us. I believe that finding our vocation comes from the Holy Spirit stirring within us, awakening in us a love of others and of God. The former prisoner on Robben Island knew this. Jesus knew this. Suppressed by unfair political and social systems, imprisoned by frameworks of power and prejudice, they discovered that the human spirit can never be taken away.

There is a wonderful song that we sing in chapel services from time to time. It has a line that goes: “If you follow in love, you’ll learn the mystery of, of what you were meant to do and be.”

“What are you looking for?” asks Jesus.

The answer is easy: I am looking for the meaning of my life and the direction I should take to find it. Jesus said, “For whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” The question is: Are we too attached to life as we know it to follow Jesus to something new? In other words, are we concerned and anxious about what we will lose or what we will find?